Ex Lives

Last night I was struck with a sequence of alarm clock worthy nightmares.
I have no idea why I was suddenly compelled to write on this blog, if anything I feel animosity for it.

At any rate here I am writing.
I used to be so sure of some things in my life but my current state of mind could be the outcome of having the wool pulled over my eyes one too many times. A result of not asking enough questions maybe or not looking at the people responsible for the wool clearly enough. I can't help but feel withered from all of the things I know. I am very much tired of living in a world designed to always catch and twist and leave you with less than you had brought when you arrived. It has caused me to be very abrupt to raise an eyebrow. Three years ago I remember saying to my Mother that I felt if I died there would be no permanent effect anywhere, That I know people would be upset but eventually it ultimately would not matter. Now I find it Ironic or something I feel that way about everyone else, I feel such disappointment for human beings and for myself for not feeling anything else in that respect. Its as if everyone woke up one day and the world was suddenly on fire and the only people who acknowledge it are looking around for someone else to blame. It didn't come from one place it came from the heart of everyone's decisions.
It is absolutely insane to me that america still has people vote for a president. Imagine shoving a kid into a cardboard box and feeding him slop everyday and then handing him a ballot and saying, "How can we improve? Help us help you.". Forcing the people they are governing to work through a system designed to take advantage of them. No country is without its flaws which unfortunate heavily outweigh their benefits. At least that justifies their malfunction though.

"So long as men die liberty will never perish"(The Great Dictator, 1941.)

 I don't say these things to alleviate myself of responsibility but my intention is to answer the question, "Where is God in a world that in my eyes is more corrupt than in the days of Jesus?".

Nequaquam nobis divinitus esse paratam
Naturam rerum; tanta stat praedita culpa

Had God designed the world, it would not be
A world so frail and faulty as we see.

How can you look at it for what it is and not say it either, One: needs to be rid of itself, Or two: needs to be medicated (I'm not talking about lowering taxes). People talk about bringing kids into this? How do you tell someone you just brought into the world, "Don't trust the people designed to protect you and make sure you prosper, They are liars and crooks. Make sure you watch who takes your money because it is all they want from you. Always remember God loves you, we are holding our breath for a change that doesn't seem to be coming."? If there was ever a time to rip your robes in emotional pain and utter disbelief of the anguish the world has caused itself to experience, in my eyes, now is that time.

I don't find it hard to believe that nothingness is divine.

Aren't all these notes the senseless writings of a man who won't accept the fact that there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it? 

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad..

Hey, wonderful amazing people wherever you are!

I am getting ready to go to San Clemente on Saturday for six days doing outreach there and its going to be gnarly. However I'm not sure I'm going to have contact with the outside world due to internet connection and all that. I thought I would post something that I have had revelation about lately or have just been learning. Seeing as how this point in my school of ministry development is the last half of the time I am spending here, I thought it would be appropriate to post something about the overall experience I have had here. 

It has definitely been hard haha. I have grown a lot with the people I have reconnected with and chosen to forgive from past stuff I have been through. 

The Internships we have been given are nothing short of a straight up blessing the kids in mine are so awesome. Most of the teachings we have had I have been able to take a lot from.

I was told before I came here I would be stretched and I have been so much haha. In being in a leadership position, the things I teach and the things I have had to learn the hard way.

As usual with like travelling or coming to California and being away from home, friends, family and an amazing church you struggle with maybe a sort of loneliness. So in that aspect I'm so stoked to be able to be home and see familiar faces again, be attending my church regularly and have legitimate time for God.

As of late God has been revealing some pretty gnarly stuff as to what my future is going to look like and I'm so excited.

Yesterday we had a speaker with the school of circuit riders that was so awesome. His name is Andy Byrd and he talked about having a relationship focused life in place of having a goal focused life. 

He talked about how we have created a self help addicted society. That we do such an awful job of recognizing our inheritance in God that we wake up full of insecurities and worry. I find it funny but also extremely sad.

I think its unbelievable how we have verses like Matthew 22:37-40 and john 15:7 in the bible and act sometimes as if they don't exist. We are all guilty of this, it sucks so bad. I think, like Andy said it has a lot to do with understanding or even really believing in what we preach or why we even get up Sunday morning. While being in California I have been confused about the purpose of our lives. Is it to tell people about the death Jesus suffered for us? That he was the son of God? To preach the gospel and do the commission?

My very good friend told me a story the other day of this beach somewhere, where an alarming amount of starfish were washing up on the beach and every morning an old man would walk down to the beach and throw them back into the ocean. One day a stranger approached him and asked, "Why do you bother, the numbers are too great and they will all die eventually." to which the old man replied, "For the few I do save it is worth it." 

This story stuck with me the past few days and I thought to myself, "That's just like me!"

I have to admit that I looked at life as kind of a waiting room to die and go to heaven. I was under the impression the world was hopeless. Not on an individual level but on a grand scale. Culture, the american machine, consumerism, I have found that despite all of this. The God I believe in would not use me to save a few starfish like this old man in a futile attempt to make a difference, He would give me the strength courage and strategy to pick every single starfish I could and doggy paddle them to a place they would no longer wash up.  My God is not fictitious, He is not dead. The things we are taught aren't a bunch of crap. He really does love us and He really just wants us to sincerely wholeheartedly love him back, because of this I understand the point of it all. 

We have been so desensitized  to the simple gospel, the john 3:16 the "Jesus loves you" I don't remember the last time I have heard Jesus loves you and received it as if He really does. It bums me out how self absorbed we have become. 

In spite of how our culture is so bad that our young people see adult-hood as somewhere they don't want to go and if they do they will escape from it with filling their lives with noise to escape. There is an inconceivable amount of hope for us and our world. Its not about travelling everywhere and having the hottest ministry or having the most kids or giving your life over to missions (Unless that's something God has called you to.). Its about having a real tangible relationship with our father. Through this comes the fruit of the spirit.

"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23 

HOW AMAZING WOULD IT BE IF SUDDENLY EVERYONE WOKE UP IN THE MORNING AND HATED WHAT WAS EVIL AND LOVED WHAT WAS GOOD?

So I guess I have learned a lot in the past 8 months about love and forgiveness. The thing I know the most in my heart now more than every is that I will not settle for a life short of the things we have been promised if we remain faithful.

I continue to be blessed by being a leader of champions, by allowing God to work in my heart, in my relationships and remaining teachable. 

Thank you guys so much for supporting me and taking the time to read this giant novel I just wrote, you are all amazing and extremely loved.

Family,

What's up guys? Still kickin' it here in la. The past week we had a speaker come and talk about valuing women and empowering them to aspire to Gods desire for their lives. It was hard to hear statistics about little girls being killed in other countries (1,000,000 being killed a year in India alone). So yeah, that was a major bummer.. The other part was a little hard for me to grasp altogether, the speaker(whose name escapes me) talked about how we(being westerners) disrespect women. For me the whole time I was sitting there asking myself.. "Do I discriminate against women?" I understand that the reason he was coming here to speak obviously wasn't to manipulate us into believing something that was untrue.

    So the bitter truth is sd;lbfr8ey3h40r Sorry about that the keyboard I'm typing on is the worst thing ever I'm pretty sure someone actually spilled a drink on it (I don't blame them its a piece of crap).

The truth is that in our western culture all you have to do is get into your car and turn on the radio to hear a woman being disrespected. That being said, taking the teaching and applying it to myself directly I couldn't see an overwhelming pattern of discrimination to women alone. I voiced my opinion when we met as a school. "I disrespect everyone equally." where the words I used I think. Please don't take me out of context on that. If I'm arguing with someone and I think they are wrong or if I am irritated and need to confront someone the words "and your a woman!" never come to mind. So to me the teaching was nice to hear and have an understanding of what the world thinks of women so I can act being sensitive of that.

The youth group I'm interning with this super rad they are gnarly kids who are stoked to do something with what they've got we just started to develop getting worship going when we meet so that's awesome too.

Other than that circuit riders  is starting soon which should be interesting. I'm not really sure what to think about it to be on hundred percent honest but when i do I will let you guys know.

As usual thank you so much for your support. I cant begin to describe how much I miss home..
You guys are the best. 

Isaiah 

Together with me now.

Hey,

Time to write something profound and amazing.
The past week we have been diving in deep as far as our internships go and planning events for our groups together, Which has been super rad. Its pretty taxing as well. I have been faced with A LOT of stretching circumstances with forgiveness, love and faithfulness. I haven't had a whole bunch of time with God because of how busy our schedule is, its something I am trying to adapt and improve on though. I found a baby bird that lived for four days... but then passed away his name was Marco. He taught me quite a bit about being lost and found. God showed me through him forgiveness and redemption. It was pretty gnarly for such a little dude. I am thankful for him.

I am so thankful and blessed on a daily level for what I have here and I am amazed of how I have changed through the past year. I'm learning about leaving behind in the places you go and the influence you have on people whether you know it or not and the responsibility that comes along with these things. I miss home and loved ones desperately but i have peace that this is where I need to be for now.
I hope this is encouraging

Love,

Isaiah C. Ortman


 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Act Justly, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly.

Hey guys,

Had my first meeting with the youth at The Hub(The church I am interning with) today. I am so stoked for whats going on at that church, there is absolutely something amazing going on there. Immediately felt welcome by the people attending. I strongly encourage you to check it out, if you are in Sunland area anytime soon. The youth in that church are so awesome. I'm very stoked for what God has in store for them and for myself. This week we are going to be getting training to staff the circuit riders school. So that should be cool.
The internship at this church is marvelous! I hope over the next couple months I can earn a place to speak into peoples lives and I also hope God can speak through me.

Thank you so much for everything,

Isaiah

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God"

Micah 6:8

"Wooden Heart"

If you haven't already, check out the album "Wooden Heart" by the artist "Listener".

Super talented Poetry. It inspires me to write every time I listen to it. If you haven't checked it out and you love music... You need to.

"I sustain forever my gaze."

Hey, friends and family

I have been so busy recently I haven't had a chance to sit down and even write about what I'm doing here. So I apologize for waiting this long.

I just started a School Of Ministry Development and I am interning with a local church.We also have been given teaching by Floyd McClung on passion. He is putting forward the idea that a passion is something you are willing to die for. That your passions are an anchor in times of storms and that our passions come from the heart of us.I have been so distracted lately it has been difficult for me to truly just chill out and process his teaching. However I think that God has been showing me a lot of passions good and bad in my life. Music and art influence can definitely develop into those passions both good and bad. I strongly believe you represent whatever kingdom you are most familiar with. If you are listening to only negative music and grow up in a negative scene around mostly negative people its no surprise you will turn out to be a pretty negative person. If you know all the latest celebrity gossip,all the controversy, who is marrying who or who is divorcing who, maybe you have been spending too much time in that kingdom. If you are going to every single christian conference you can go to. If you are listening to every preacher and you start to speak their words, talk and look just like them then maybe you have been spending too much time in that kingdom. I also strongly believe that music should not be boiled down to look like something classified as "christian" and "non-christian" but I have recognized where there is room for improvement in the outlook I have on life so I have been trying to slowly transition my influences of art, music and writing in a hope that it will make room in my life for more heart-change an increase in my relationship with God and create a more patient or peaceful soul for things to come. Recently I have also had a renewal in perspective of how lucky and privileged I am to be involved in the ministry I currently am.
I am so blessed, it is a gift to be here.
 Thank you so much for the people back home rooting for me and supporting me I'm stoked to be posting more info on my ministry and what I'm doing here ;)


If anyone is looking for some good chill music to check out I recently found a gnarly artist you should check out:

 "Pulse"

The artist is "Thomas Giles" the album is called "pulse" and is about a year old. I love how hypnotic it sounds, you can just fall asleep to it. It still has a couple heavy songs though which is so rad.  I have not heard an album that is this good in a while. The vocalist of the band "Between the Buried and Me" wrote it. It is like rubbing cotton candy inside of your lungs!