Ex Lives

Last night I was struck with a sequence of alarm clock worthy nightmares.
I have no idea why I was suddenly compelled to write on this blog, if anything I feel animosity for it.

At any rate here I am writing.
I used to be so sure of some things in my life but my current state of mind could be the outcome of having the wool pulled over my eyes one too many times. A result of not asking enough questions maybe or not looking at the people responsible for the wool clearly enough. I can't help but feel withered from all of the things I know. I am very much tired of living in a world designed to always catch and twist and leave you with less than you had brought when you arrived. It has caused me to be very abrupt to raise an eyebrow. Three years ago I remember saying to my Mother that I felt if I died there would be no permanent effect anywhere, That I know people would be upset but eventually it ultimately would not matter. Now I find it Ironic or something I feel that way about everyone else, I feel such disappointment for human beings and for myself for not feeling anything else in that respect. Its as if everyone woke up one day and the world was suddenly on fire and the only people who acknowledge it are looking around for someone else to blame. It didn't come from one place it came from the heart of everyone's decisions.
It is absolutely insane to me that america still has people vote for a president. Imagine shoving a kid into a cardboard box and feeding him slop everyday and then handing him a ballot and saying, "How can we improve? Help us help you.". Forcing the people they are governing to work through a system designed to take advantage of them. No country is without its flaws which unfortunate heavily outweigh their benefits. At least that justifies their malfunction though.

"So long as men die liberty will never perish"(The Great Dictator, 1941.)

 I don't say these things to alleviate myself of responsibility but my intention is to answer the question, "Where is God in a world that in my eyes is more corrupt than in the days of Jesus?".

Nequaquam nobis divinitus esse paratam
Naturam rerum; tanta stat praedita culpa

Had God designed the world, it would not be
A world so frail and faulty as we see.

How can you look at it for what it is and not say it either, One: needs to be rid of itself, Or two: needs to be medicated (I'm not talking about lowering taxes). People talk about bringing kids into this? How do you tell someone you just brought into the world, "Don't trust the people designed to protect you and make sure you prosper, They are liars and crooks. Make sure you watch who takes your money because it is all they want from you. Always remember God loves you, we are holding our breath for a change that doesn't seem to be coming."? If there was ever a time to rip your robes in emotional pain and utter disbelief of the anguish the world has caused itself to experience, in my eyes, now is that time.

I don't find it hard to believe that nothingness is divine.

Aren't all these notes the senseless writings of a man who won't accept the fact that there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it?